AttuneUP uses clinically validated assessments and AI coaching to help couples develop real attunement — the ability to truly understand and respond to each other.
Get StartedThe Problem
Most couples don't have a communication problem — they have an attunement problem. They can't read each other's emotional needs.
How It Works
AttuneUP builds a deep understanding of how you and your partner communicate, then uses that understanding to help you connect.
A clinically informed questionnaire covering attachment, conflict style, communication preferences, and triggers. Takes ~10 minutes.
AI generates a detailed communication profile — your attachment style, patterns, triggers, and a personalized "How to Reach You" guide.
Type what you want to say. Get coaching on destructive patterns and translated messages tailored to how your partner receives communication.
Profile Tiers
Free
57 questions, ~10 minutes
Everything in Basic, plus:
25 additional questions, ~5 more minutes
The Science
Every insight and coaching suggestion is grounded in established relationship science — 10 frameworks spanning attachment, conflict, communication, and emotional growth.
Basic Profile — 5 Core Frameworks
After studying thousands of couples in their "Love Lab," the Gottmans identified four communication patterns that predict relationship breakdown with over 90% accuracy: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — the "Four Horsemen." But they also discovered each horseman has a research-backed antidote. AttuneUP scans your messages for these patterns in real time and coaches you toward the antidote before you hit send.
Your earliest relationships created a blueprint for how you connect as an adult. Attachment theory maps whether you tend toward anxious attachment (needing reassurance, fearing abandonment), avoidant attachment (valuing independence, uncomfortable with closeness), or secure attachment (comfortable with intimacy and autonomy). These patterns shape everything — how you fight, what triggers you, and what makes you feel truly safe. AttuneUP measures your attachment dimensions so translations speak to what your partner actually needs to feel connected.
When disagreements arise, people default to one of five conflict styles: competing (winning matters most), accommodating (keeping the peace), avoiding (sidestepping the issue), compromising (meeting halfway), or collaborating (finding a solution that works for both). None is universally "right" — the key is knowing your default and understanding your partner's. AttuneUP identifies your conflict tendencies and helps you adapt your approach when your usual style isn't working.
We each have preferred ways of giving and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, or receiving gifts. Mismatches here create a frustrating dynamic where one partner feels they're constantly showing love while the other feels neglected. AttuneUP identifies how you and your partner naturally express care, so translated messages land in the language that actually registers.
Most people fall somewhere on a spectrum from passive (avoiding their own needs) to aggressive (bulldozing others). Assertive communication — the healthy middle — means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully. AttuneUP assesses where you fall on this spectrum and coaches messages toward that sweet spot where you're honest without being hurtful, and kind without being a doormat.
Premium Profile — 5 Advanced Frameworks
NVC offers a four-step framework for turning charged conversations into connecting ones: observe without evaluating, identify feelings, uncover the underlying needs, and make clear requests rather than demands. It sounds simple, but most of us skip straight from observation to judgment. AttuneUP measures your natural NVC fluency and helps bridge the gap, translating reactive language into observations, feelings, needs, and requests that invite dialogue rather than defensiveness.
The most common destructive pattern in relationships: one partner pursues connection through more talking, questioning, or emotional intensity, while the other withdraws into silence, distraction, or shutting down. The pursuer feels abandoned; the withdrawer feels overwhelmed. Both are trying to cope, but the cycle escalates. AttuneUP maps where you and your partner fall in this dance and helps break the cycle by coaching messages that de-escalate rather than trigger the pattern.
Under stress, our thinking distorts in predictable ways: mind-reading ("I know what you're thinking"), catastrophizing ("This means we're doomed"), all-or-nothing thinking ("You never listen"), or emotional reasoning ("I feel it, so it must be true"). These distortions hijack communication and turn small issues into relationship-threatening conflicts. AttuneUP identifies your tendency toward specific distortions and flags them before they sabotage your message.
Your ability to manage intense emotions directly affects how you communicate under stress. Some people flood quickly (heart racing, tunnel vision, fight-or-flight mode), while others suppress emotions until they eventually explode. AttuneUP assesses your regulation style — how quickly you escalate, what calms you down, and how you process difficult feelings — then adjusts coaching intensity accordingly. If you're flooded, it might suggest a pause before sending.
Differentiation is the ability to stay connected to your partner while maintaining your own sense of self — to be close without losing yourself, and to disagree without it feeling like the relationship is in danger. Low differentiation looks like either emotional fusion (taking on your partner's feelings as your own) or emotional cutoff (disconnecting to protect yourself). AttuneUP measures your differentiation level to help you maintain healthy boundaries in how you communicate, even during conflict.
Pattern Detection
AttuneUP detects Gottman's Four Horsemen in real-time and coaches their research-backed antidotes.
"You never listen to me"
Gentle startup: "I feel... about... I need..."
"You're being ridiculous"
Express appreciation and respect
"It's not my fault, you..."
Take responsibility, even partial
"Fine. Whatever."
Self-soothe, then re-engage
Get Started
Download Expo Go and scan the QR code to start building attunement today.